As you may have heard last week, there was talk of launching a big, ridiculous giveaway where people will try and win stuff on my dime. But I, Fridge Gnome, have found out about your little Fridgemas In July celebration and I am pretty ticked off.
Did you think you’d be able to get this past me? This place has more holes than Swiss cheese; more leaks than a bottomless boat; more secrets than a chamber at Hogwarts. How dare you try and sully my homeland’s greatest and most beloved holiday. This completely goes against the ideology of Fridgemas In July. Our holiday is about taking an aggressive amount of dirt baths, shouting Gaelic obscenities, and sipping on Mai Tais. Gifts have nothing to do with it.
I discovered this website and it says there will be a different daily prize that you could win July 19-25. This happens to align exactly with the days I’ll be out. Sounds like a prime example of “while the gnome’s away, the staff will play.” I wasn’t born yesterday, you know (I was born 139 years ago, to be exact.)
I’m still taking my vacation, so I don’t want any funny business. But just to make sure there’s no tomfoolery, I’ll be dropping in unannounced just to make sure none of you are getting anything you don’t deserve. Things like this are irresponsible, reprehensible, and overall super not rad.
Good luck. You’ll need it.
EatStreet COG, ESQ, PhD, MD, FBI, IRS
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